Last weekend I participated in a race that included two disciplines and three legs. I wrote about how I had not trained and truly was not as prepared as I could have been. I enjoyed the race and had fun with myself, by myself, because that is what racing and pursuing this lifestyle needs, a love of self. When a person chooses to be with themselves during activities and action, they are participating with the one they see in the mirror. How many people dislike or criticize what they see in the mirror?
I had a memory come up on my social media page and by the date, I am thinking it was the party where the announcement was made that I was going to be a grandmother for the second time! A joy-filled day of great news and family celebrating the additional DNA experience. I looked at the picture that popped up. It was of my daughter and me, and I thought how blessed I am with my children and grandchildren.
What I noticed was the haunted look in my own eyes. As I looked into the picture, I was looking into the mirror of my soul that was pleading to be seen, be let out and the spiritual self that was locked inside the masks of my habits and choices. This picture reminded me of how far I have come in the past years. I have brought myself out of the holding cell which was my life, steeped in poor choices and years of feeling helpless and hopeless. In this picture, I could witness the changes I have made in my life. It was a bit surreal.
When we are born, we begin to die. Our human existence is just that, a time when the spirit inhabits a biological marvel called the body. I remember in university I had a wise and wonderful Anishinaabe teacher for a course called “Introduction to Native Arts”. It was my first experience with Indigenous peoples and their stories. I learned so much about my soul and it honed my faith story to what it is today. I learned about the vessel, the body, where the soul infuses itself to experience human life. The soul then travels and feels all the sensations of what it means to be human. It comes together with the body and the consciousness and together creates a journey.
This journey is ours to create. We are in charge, in co-creation with the divine source to live fully, and experience deeply all there is to feel, see, hear and taste. We choose to be all we can be, or we choose to be victims, actors in our own tragedy, thinking life happens to us with no sense of direction. As I looked at this picture this week on my social media feed, there was another photo that showed up at the same time. It was me on my bicycle during the race last weekend. The photographer captured me mid-cadence, mid-stride, with joy in my action. A woman of choice and power. A woman who is in partnership with living life fully and engaged. A woman travelling along a path self-directed and knowing there is so much living to be done.
As I posted both pictures on my social media, I received many comments and “likes” on both photos. I enjoy seeing others seeing me, however, the true colours are revealed in how I feel when I look in the mirror. Do I click ‘like’ when I look in the mirror? Do I send up heart emojis as I see this reflection? Can I look into my own eyes and admit I like what I see in the pools of emotion looking back? Have I chosen to optimize my own journey so that when my last days come, I feel no regret?
Last weekend’s race had two disciplines and three legs. Life has so many more. The three hours I focused on that race is a blip on the radar screen of my life, yet I could have spent the past week regretting so much about my performance and wasted so much energy and time. Your life has many legs and many disciplines. The disciplines are there for you to choose to be good at what speaks to your soul. The disciplines are there to guide and keep you focused for a time because when you choose the discipline of career, family, exercise, shopping, driving, eating, laughing, crying and living it is up to you how they all feel. Are you the victim in your life? Do you sabotage your day-to-day thinking? Do you sell yourself short for comfort? Are you stomping your feet at your life like a child? Take stock, look in the mirror and begin the journey of taking charge of your own life. Life is about choices, and it is the long race that matters. The old saying life is a marathon, not a sprint rings true for this racer who, through trial and error, will cross the final finish line with her head held high and her arms in the strength pose while holding on to the handlebars of the vehicle that takes her home.
Cynthia Breadner is a teacher, author, grief specialist and bereavement counsellor; a soul care worker and offers specialized care in spiritually integrated therapies. She works as a LTC chaplain assisting with end-of-life care for client and family. She is the mother part of the #DanCynAdventures duo and practices fitness, health and wellness. She is available remotely by safe and secure video connections, if you have any questions contact her today! [email protected] breakingstibah.com
