“Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change!” Dr. Wayne Dyer
The other night as I lay in bed the world around me changed. At least the atmosphere in the town where I lived sure changed. It had been a very hot sultry day and during the night cooler air moved in and converted all the heavy wet moisture filled air to rain. In the heat of the night there was a shift from thick heavy air to rain. Hard pelting heavy rain. Falling hard from the sky. The atmosphere had changed. I am unsure of how far adrift this change occurred. Not sure if it was all of Ontario or just the local area, but it certainly shifted. Everything changed in a very few minutes. It went from hot, steamy, heavy thick air to rain and then the tension was broken. The air was cleared and there felt to be a release of the stress in the air.
I remember, as a younger woman, my mother would always have anxiety over a pending storm. My dad had purchased an apple orchard in the 1970’s and was an inexperienced apple farmer. For the next 20 years, he farmed apples. Later on, my brother took over the orchard and learned the family business. While he was learning from our dad, he also taught our dad a few things as well. One thing neither of them could change was the weather. The anxiety over a pending storm and the fear of hail was always a worry. Stormy weather is only great in song, not in an apple orchard.
Storms in life are as common as the storms caused by the summer heat in Ontario. The difference is storms in our lives can be defused unlike the wrath of Mother Nature. While humankind must weather through the storms of nature by taking shelter and riding it out, our emotional storms often can be addressed as they build. The tears we shed during a release of angry tension are often sourced by fear and hurt, which then can turn into anger left unattended. Anger is a weed that can spread its root underground and affect everything. Choke out joy and compassion and cut off empathy and reason. Tending to hurt, fear and stresses in life’s journey can defuse many a storm.
How often is there a storm in your life that takes its own time to build, to intensify and steeps in its own hotness, like hot sultry air. Takes the time to form and come to a head? Then all hell breaks loose and there is thunder and lightning, heavy tears falling and the home skies are angry and frightening. This building of tension in the air. The heat of the atmosphere pushing to the point of a storm feeling like you have no control and somehow you hope it will pass with as little damage as possible. With personal awareness and care for those around us, storms can be avoided and personal growth found among the fear.
In relationships, comments like “I feel…” and “I heard you say…” and “I need…” will begin to quash the angry storm. Setting up boundaries for self-care and honouring them when crossed tell your soul that you are self-aware and self-loving. Boundaries are not selfish, they are necessary in a world that fosters a railroad culture. In a world where listening is difficult, clear statements help sooth misunderstandings. In a caring relationship with yourself, your partner, your children, and your work mates begins with a curiosity and seasoned with love. Deep listening for the purpose of hearing and not for the purpose of responding will go a long way. When we are on the stormy seas in a boat with people we love the only way to survive is to work together. Working together begins in your own heart and then overflows into the hearts of others.
Caring for oneself is a healthy and positive way to keep the storms as bay. When we look out for ourselves, we are able to speak up and ask for what we need clearly communicating with others in our lives. As we see a storm brewing on the horizon asking questions, being curious and caring about relationship weather will often defuse the situation.
Many emotional storms are fuelled by fear and hurt. Asking questions and caring about others in our lives is healthy. Setting our ego aside and letting go of being right often blows the storm out of any argument. Take a moment to step out of your own righteousness and humble yourself to be taught how to care for another and find your way to peace and tranquillity. Listening attentively and hearing pain clearly will help the storm pass. Be a port in the storm for someone’s turmoil, allow the ship to land.
May the storms in your life be few.
May you find it in your heart to be humble.
May you love your way into the heart of another,
And find peace deep in your soul.
Cynthia Breadner is a soul care worker who offers one-on-one homecare for aging adults who choose to age in place. This care includes emotional support, physical care, mental well-being, and spiritual practices to sooth the soul. She is a volunteer at hospice, LTC chaplain and a death doula, assisting with end-of-life for client and family. She is the founder of GriefCafeBradford and practices soul care in the South Simcoe and North York region. She raises awareness how birth and death, each end of life can both be joy-filled and hopeful passages. [email protected] breakingstibah.com
