Christmas is hard.
Of course, it’s hard for those of us who are houseless, who are food insecure, who have trouble making ends meet in these inflationary times.
But it’s also hard for those of us who are missing a loved one who has died.
And the thing of it is, that hard doesn’t go away with the years. It’s there for life.
My first husband died in September 1999 and left me a young widow of 35 with three kids aged 10, 8 and 7. Christmas was hard that year and it is still hard.
My daughter has a friend who has just lost his wife, at the young age of 33. She left a seven-year-old son behind as well. Their Christmases from now on will be hard.
I have a friend whose husband died last October. Christmas was hard for her that year. This year, even with a new love and a new life to look forward to, Christmas will still be hard.
My stepmother is facing her first Christmas since my father went into long-term care. Christmas will be hard, as she visits him there and faces the Christmases to come, and the inevitable loss that will follow.
Christmas is hard. But friends, family, and community make it not as hard.
One year, friends decided to make our Christmas Eve special. It was the first year my stepkids didn’t come up before Christmas and stay until Christmas Day. One was in Australia; they were all getting older. My kids were still young and were upset, and worrying about Christmas Eve, when we would traditionally do the big dinner and hang out together.
These friends drew on their decades of camp counsellor experience and put together a fantastic Christmas Eve for my kids. They made a snowman together. Everyone decorated gingerbread cookies. The kids helped make a big dinner. And after dinner, my friend read The Grinch aloud, to a chorus of giggling. The children hung their stockings and went to bed happy, thanks to these good friends.
This year, I know my daughter and her friends will all reach out to their dear friend and his son and help them through this hard Christmas.
I know my friend’s friends and her new love will reach out to her and help her through this year’s Christmas.
My stepmom is surrounded by family and friends who are walking her through this Christmas and being there for her.
Even now, over 20 years later, with a lovely new partner and wonderful family, many good friends, and a fantastic community, I still miss my husband at Christmas. And that is hard ... but not quite as hard.
Christmas is hard. But, through the years, it can be not quite as hard, with friends, family, and community surrounding all of us. Because really, that’s what Christmas, and life, is all about.
Happy holidays to you all.
